Eid, burgers, and Go Nawaz Go

This eid was so much fun na…

First I went to that place where everyone gathers and offers prayers and hugs everyone to death…

So when the molvi sahib spoke in Arabic, I prayed for tabdeeli and revolution and Imran Khan’s success. And then the molvi sahib said ‘Ameen’ and I said ‘Ameen’ and then everyone stood up and started hugging everyone to death.

All of a sudden, a man with open arms and sweaty armpits lunged at me, saying Eid Mubarik.

I dodged, and said ‘Go Nawaz Go.’

It was so enthralling, I would stand in front of a man with open arms, and when he moved to hug me, I would dodge and say ‘Go Nawaz Go.’ I kept on entertaining myself with those dodges till the place was empty.

And man, it was fun.

Then I went back to my mansion… I mean my home na

And the qasai was waiting for me. I mean for my nod to do his job with the animal. He was wearing Kaptaan’s Army T-Shirt that I gave him yesterday. And then he took his knife and I closed my eyes. The qasai chanted “Go Nawaz Go” and sliced throat of the animal.

Oh Gawd! Even with closed eyes, I could hear sound of blood gushing out of slit throat.

I ran inside and called Meenu. She replied in her husky voice, “Go Nawaz Go.”

I greeted back, “Go Nawaz Go,” and asked, “Why everyone calls us Burger?”

She said she had a sudden craving for a Burger. Why don’t we meet and have one.

I agreed, and hung up. Only this time I forgot to say Go Nawaz Go.

While having burgers, I discussed the need for a revolution. Meenu asked what a revolution is. I explained a revolution means Nawaz Shareef resigns and Imran Khan takes hold.

What will happen after IK takes hold? Meenu was excited.

I told her that everyone will get rich.

“Even the farmers who work at my father’s land?” She asked.

Off course, even the farmers who work at our lands.

“Then what will make them continue working for us?” Meenu had tears in her eyes.

I saw where this was getting, and waived to waiter for bill.

Two thousand rupees, it wasn’t much. But I told him I am not paying any taxes. The waiter smiled and said I don’t have to pay; I can use my credit card.

Meenu gawked at her watch and said she needed to go. But why? She had to go to beauty parlour before joining Dharna at night. I explained it was Eid day and workers at beauty parlours take off. She was furious; it was so stupid of beauty parlour workers to take off. If Imran Khan was not taking off from Dharna, then why beauty parlour workers?

I was also furious, both of us uttered some expletives and ‘go Nawaz go’ slogans.

We decided that in Naya Pakistan, beauty parlour workers would not be allowed off on eid holidays. This cheered her up a bit, we took a selfie, posted and tweeted it, and bade ‘go Nawaz go’.


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