The F committee

The government, in all its brilliance, has decided to tackle the fuel problem head-on. Yes, in an effort to rid nation of the fuel crisis, government has decided to constitute – a committee. This will be named an ‘F’ committee, and would make a National Fuel Plan (just like they made National Action Plan).

The committee will then make sub-committees, one of which will be looking into consumption patterns. That is, if anybody takes 50 liters of petrol, he will be reported.

And yes, after the national fuel plan, government is also going to give national electricity plan, national water plan, and national gas plan (each plan will be presented by respective E, W and G committees). An insider tells that the G committee has thought of a clever arrangement to end gas shortage. Citizens will be advised to eat an unhealthy amount of radishes.

Coming back to our ‘F’ committee; it is being proposed that Ch. Nisar Ali Khan be made its chairman. Media channels have protested to this proposal, arguing that Mr. Khan consumes too much of their airtime, and their broadcast vans do not have enough fuel left to afford that lengthy a broadcast. Second option is petroleum minister Shahid Khaqan Abbasi (I hope his airline is not running short of fuel). In the inaugural speech he might recite the poem, violets are red – air is blue.

If I have to admit it frankly, I am afraid of fuel. Because if someone ads it to fire, it catches even more fire. Most of my savings are burned on monthly basis because of it. You all must know that fire is dangerous, so if I do my little mathematics; fuel provokes fire – fire is dangerous – this implies that fuel is dangerous.

The ‘F’ committee will be working exactly on these lines, that is, how to relieve nation of this danger. To impress upon you the nature of danger fuel can cause, I must narrate an incident. Last day I visited a petrol station. I wanted fuel, and hundreds of other people present there wanted the same. Naturally, I got into fight with another consumer, and he hit me with a soda can. See how dangerous fuel can be. Luckily it was a soft drink and did not hurt much.

But others might not be that lucky, and ‘F’ committee is just going to fix that. It will think of drafting emergency parameters, to cut fuel supplies in case of a danger, and making committees to restore it yet again. Cutting fuel supplies will also be beneficial to the environment; the fossils would not have to turn over in their graves anymore. For economy, we can make yet another committee.

Once the committees solve all the problems assigned to them, we can make several cricket teams out of them, and have our own world cup. Hey, that’s another brilliant idea; let’s make a world cup committee to finalize the necessities. Till then, happy fuelling!

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