Instead of lines, I like curves

I hate lines, whether it is a deadline, or a tagline… I’m more inclined towards curves. If the curve is pointing upward, and indicating my blog stats; I ask myself – OH REALLY?

This is the point when I have to tell myself… stop dreaming and start concentrating –  ON YOUR BLOG. Looking at the nonexistent lines at my blog stats, I feel ridiculous. Readers feel the same about my blog posts.

Seriously guys, this is some kind of a conspiracy, to confine this prolific blogger into anonymity (I’m talking about myself). When asked, what do I do? I tell people I’m a blogger. Because this is a productive way of saying, “I’m a writer.”  When I have nothing to write, I blog. Yet no one reads it (putting a sad smiley is uncool, so, IMAGINE it). I think I shall protest against it, and demand my writes.

Whatever the standards of success are, I don’t meet any of them. Someone told me a straight line to success – work hard. I said I can manage without success, but ‘work’ and ‘hard’ are things I am not familiar with.

Speaking of ‘work’, there is another ‘line’ that I hate – outline. Outlines during a task don’t let me stay sane. Therefore, just to avoid tension associated with an outline, I opt for the first three letters, and stay OUT of the task.

However, there is one kind of a line that I totally love – punch line. Unfortunately this blog post does not have one.

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If I can dream it, I can do it

Dreams are good, and that’s what I do all day long.

Like, I dream to have an arrangement where I don’t have to work. NO WORK, AT ALL. And yet earn loads of money. And then I dream of my dream coming true. This dreaming and re-dreaming kind of keeps me busy. That hardly leaves me any time to actually DO SOMETHING.

Of course, if I have to dream anyway… why shall I not dream big? Then there are some people who tell me, ” If you have to get started, you need to stop talking, and start doing.”

And I tell them; I’m not talking – to them.

Do you know Bill Gates? Yeah, that WINDOWS guy. I even proved him wrong. Gates says, “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”

My boss was quite fond of that quote, and that was why he assigned EVERY task to me. I DID find a very easy way to do it… I DID NOT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. And hence he assigned the task to someone else.

See, not only have I failed, I have also found thousand ways that won’t work.

P.S: I’m not sure if it was relevant, but this was In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “The Show Must Go On.”

The F committee

The government, in all its brilliance, has decided to tackle the fuel problem head-on. Yes, in an effort to rid nation of the fuel crisis, government has decided to constitute – a committee. This will be named an ‘F’ committee, and would make a National Fuel Plan (just like they made National Action Plan).

The committee will then make sub-committees, one of which will be looking into consumption patterns. That is, if anybody takes 50 liters of petrol, he will be reported. Continue reading

Obama, Ebola, and Fazlullah

A shivering Obama came back to home and demanded: “Hey Michelle! Can you please bring thermometer. I want to see if I’m suffering from Ebola.”

Michelle was surprised. Does thermometer measure Ebola as well?

Obama said he was not sure. He just wanted to give it a try. While the temperature was being checked, Obama said he wanted to flee to Afghanistan.

Afghanistan! Michelle was aghast, but why?

Because Afghanistan was the only place that (kind of) defeated America. He was sure that Afghanistan would defeat Ebola too. Continue reading

A letter to Malala Attackers

IN THE NAME OF ALLAH, THE MOST MERCIFUL AND BENEFICENT
From a brother of Malala to Adnan Rasheed

Mr. Adnan Rasheed
I am writing to you in my personal capacity, as I’m shocked by what you have written to Malala Yousafzai, my sister by religion.
Whether Islam permits attacking a girl, that too in her early teens, or not; I’m surprised you do not want to argue about it. And yet you have the audacity to say your emotions for Malala were brotherly. In Islam, and in our culture (and I suppose in your culture too), we do not have very nice words for a brother whose sister is attacked, and he sides with attackers. 
In BBC Urdu, as far as I have read, Malala had only written about woes for not being able to go to school, because Taliban were blowing them. 
So you guys have a bullet for every dissenting voice. Couldn’t they JUST WRITE A LETTER explaining their reasons to blow schools (just as you did in your letter)?
You say education being imparted by these schools is wrong, therefore blowing them up is right; so why don’t Taliban open their own schools to impart the RIGHT education. Why can’t they offer an alternative, and let people adopt it by their own free will? Why can’t they let PEOPLE decide if they want admission in Madrassas or Schools?
For justification of attacks on anti-polio teams, you quote Bertrand Russell, “diet, injections, and injunctions will combine, from a very early age, to produce the sort of character, and sort of beliefs that the authorities consider desirable.”
If this means polio vaccine is bad, and attacking anti-polio teams is right, then why don’t Taliban INVENT an Islamic polio vaccine, to produce the sort of character that they desire? And till that Islamic polio vaccine is made, please advice what nation should meanwhile to avoid being crippled by the disease?
And let me make it very clear, I’m against killings of innocent people, whether these killings are carried out by Americans or by Taliban (that includes drone attacks and suicide bombings). I am sure you also have some justification of killing 40,000 Pakistanis (most of them Muslims) and crippling hundreds and thousands of others. 
And lastly, please do not kill me for writing this letter. 

I was recommended by ISI: A PTI candidate admits on TV

Professor Abdul Rauf Dola is a PTI candidate from NA 146 Okara. In a television interview, he admits that he was recommended by ISI (Pakistan’s spy agency). This is a shocking revelation, because one cannot imagine how many other candidates had similar ‘recommendations’.
You can watch the clip here. The said talk is at 10th minute.

Musharraf returns: Give the devil his due!

The former dictator is back, and this time, he is not wearing his uniform. I seriously do not know what our dear Commando is up to; do I hear anyone chanting “Pervez Musharraf Zindabad”?

However, his return has made me recall the years from 1999 to 2008. Almost 10 long years! We used to have less bomb blasts then, less load-shedding and commodities were available at much cheaper prices.

After Musharraf, we were constantly told that “democracy is the best revenge”. Now that the government is over, it is our turn to take revenge. But does that mean we should give amnesty to Musharraf for his unconstitutional moves?

Yes, our ‘elected’ politicians failed to deliver. After five years of acute mismanagement, they could not even forge consensus on the caretaker prime minister.

These years of democratic rule were surely a mess.

That is to the status quo, during Pervez Musharraf’s era were surely much better than they are now. But does that absolve him of all the crimes he committed?

Shall he not be tried for overthrowing the democratically elected government, for starting the Kargil war and not taking the prime minister into confidence, for committing crimes against humanity, for the murder of Nawab Akbar Bugti or for the massive loss of lives at Red Mosque?

Shall we give a warm welcome to Musharraf on his return?

Musharraf was an army chief, and the army is known to take care of the fraternity, but Musharraf is also a criminal. He overruled the Constitution, which he was supposed to protect. After 9/11, his decisions jeopardised the country’s safety.

These are serious crimes indeed. And if the army tries to shield Musharraf from prosecution for these offences, it can bring a bad name to the organisation. Aiding a criminal is also a crime and Musharraf should be given exemplary punishment for his crimes.

Therefore, he should face the courts like an ordinary politician, without the help from men in uniform. Men in uniform should also keep their distance from him. If he is tried and brought to justice, the army should not interfere and should accept the decision of the courts.

I strongly recommend that we give the devil his due.

This was originally published in Express Tribune.